I have been pondering the symptom of shivering. Its a beautiful expression yet it might not feel as comfortable to be shivering. As a dancer I can choose the quality of shivering in my movement work. As an ME patient I cant stop shivering when the symptom appears. The nuances are that it is not by choice that I shiver. But I still enjoy the shivering. If I accept and I choose to.
To shiver might be a sign of being cold, of being fearful, of not having enough power and of being fragile. Yet to think that the shiver comes from an emotional state, provokes me to the core. Something is sick in this body of mine and the accumulation of effort makes it shiver. Its not emotional. Its a symptom emerging in a sick body.
Yet when I was lying in the bed on stage, for the final run through before the actual performance on the 12th of May, Tv filming, dancers focusing, musician and technical crew working: I was shivering. I couldnt control the shiver and I did what I have been taught through my career: The show must go on. I cant stop, leave or make a scene. I have to accept what the body does and make it part of the dance. In this ambivalence between being professional, being an artist and being a human being, lies the challenge of creating art that is sustainable for me. Here is the link for Tv2 coverage of the performance. I am grateful that the press paid attention. Karantena #millionsmissing part 3 news.
Photo: Rett Vest and Kristine Nilsen Oma (On stage at Studio Bergen during the final run-through)